Dorian Kitchens

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Accord PC

Player: Jakob Collins
Character: Dorian Kitchens
VST: Rachel Holts

Character Information

Full Name: Dorian Oswald Kitchens

Nicknames: Fozzie, Smokey, Pun Bear, and Care Bear

Creature Type: Werebear (American Black Bear) or Ursara (Yonah)

Cell: Covert Emergency Response Team (C.E.R.T.)

Accord Status: 5

Position And Title: Olympia Cell Leader and Voice

Division: Ministry of the Immaculate Equivocation

Notable Traits: Dorian is a stand-up comedian, and thus is often making jokes (especially puns), much to the dismay of the rest of his cell members. He is famous worldwide (Fame 3) due to his comedy shows, and his popularity is only continuing to grow. When Dorian is in his normal lighthearted mood, he gives off vibes that make people laugh and find even his worst jokes funny, but he radiates pure power and rage that terrifies most when he's angry (Presence 5). Those that can sense such things know that he has a strong connection to his inner beast (Feral Heart 5).

Dorian Werebear.jpg
Dorian's Axe.jpg
WP 20150827 002 (2).jpg


Human Form Dorian is in his mid-twenties, meaning he still has a mostly youthful appearance. He is primarily of Native American descent (Pequot), with a bit of English sprinkled in. He has tan skin, yellowish-brown eyes, and black, shoulder-length hair that he slicks back. He stands about 6'4 and weighs about 180 pounds of lean muscle, meaning he's a fairly imposing figure. Dorian typically wears designer jeans with a nice t-shirt (usually with a joke or something humorous on it), and standard tennis shoes, unless he plans on doing some fighting, in which case he wears raggedy clothes that are cheap and disposable.

Primal Beast Form In his primal form, Dorian appears as a massive American Black Bear, much bigger than most people have ever seen a black bear get, complete with thick, jet-black fur, with the exception of his muzzle, which is a chocolate brown.

War-Beast Form In war-beast form, Dorian looks as if he's a horrific combination of man and bear, standing about 8 feet in height. His fur color is the same as in his primal form. In this form, he can be found wielding a rather large and powerful axe.


Dorian is an extrovert who enjoys making people laugh and having a good time. He doesn't tend to take things seriously unless lives are on the line, in which case he's a devout friend and ally. He tends to seem rather full of himself, often letting his ego get the better of him. It's very rare that Dorian feels threatened by anything, believing that he has the strength and will to dominate any obstacle in his way. He is very passionate about his comedy career, often devoting many hours a week writing and rehearsing material. While he can take a joke, he finds it really annoying when people bash his comedy career and will likely become defensive if he feels it necessary to protect his pride and image.


Stand-Up Comedian


Dorian Oswald Kitchens was born February 27, 1989 to Nathaniel and Bernadette Kitchens in the Mashantucket Pequot reservation in Connecticut. Nathaniel, his father, is of English and Pequot descent, and having only a few members of his immediate family born with the gift. Bernadette, his mother, is nearly full Pequot and nearly all of her immediate family has been born with the gift. At age 16, just a few weeks past his birthday, Dorian went through his first recorded changes, growing large claws and spouting bits of thick, black fur over his body. From that moment, his training for controlling his gift began. By age 17, Dorian had full control over his transformations, able to shift between his human and beast forms with ease. He also showed the rare ability to shift specific parts of his body. He also appears to be much larger than the average wereblackbear, actually comparing to a weregrizzly in size and bulk.

At age 18, Dorian left the reservation in the hopes of obtaining a college degree of some sort, much to his parents’ dismay. They scolded him, and attempted to force upon him the responsibilities of being a Changing Breed, of wielding power unobtainable to most people. Despite this, he left his parents, and not on a good note. Many harsh things were said on both sides, and relatively nothing has been said between them since. Dorian enrolled in a community college in Vermont, wanting to get out of his home state, and got a job as a grocery store clerk to help support himself while going to school.

Only two quarters after enrolling in school, aiming for a degree in communications, Dorian dropped out and got a full time job at the grocery store he had been working at while going to school. This was the extent of his life then; working 40 hours a week for little pay, and repeating the same thing over and over again. “Is this what I’m destined for, is this all I am, or all I could be?” Funny, a man who could transform into a beast capable of lifting and small vehicles and able to rip people limb from limb was working as a cashier at a grocery store. A normal life, for an abnormal person. His rise to comedic “glory” began slowly. At first, it started as a few jokes during work being told during his smoke breaks. This eventually led to him writing short material about things in the news or other local events and making fun of them. A few of his coworkers convinced him to do an open-mic at their favorite bar one night, and much to his surprise, several people liked his material, he had his dry spots and made some lame jokes that no one laughed at, but he wasn’t booed of the stage, and he gained a respectable amount of applause at the end, and that was good enough for him. He began scheduling events at different bars and other events, even occasionally traveling out of state to go to an open-mic or contest. He smiled at the thought of being a werebear comedian, maybe he should have been named Fozzie. Wokka wokka wokka.

At age 24, he had won several small awards for his work (only 3 years after beginning his career). At this point, he had quit his previous job and purchased a motor-home, which enabled him to travel cross country to do shows. He was only able to get spots at bars, talent shows, and some very small comedy shows, though he was usually an opening act with very little time to do his thing. His level of fame was never massive, so almost no one recognized him as he traveled around, which only pushed him to work harder. Dorian managed to make enough money from his comedy gigs to sustain himself, but it was never enough to actually do much with. Even so, his funds were still growing, even if it was at a rather slow pace. At age 25, he inherited some money from his grandparents when they passed (as they owned the Bear Paw Cigarette Company). Most of the stock and ownership of the cigarette company went to his parents, but his grandparents did leave him a sizeable amount.

His parents finally contacted him. But rather than congratulating him on his success, they told him that he was a disappointment. He had dodged the responsibilities of being born with power, and had chosen a life of stupidity and indulgence. They wanted him to further the species, he had only furthered himself.

Anyways, so Dorian is an up-and-coming comedian of sorts and at some point decides to participate in a talent show at a bar in Aberdeen, Washington. At some point during the show, Dorian notices something not quite right about one of the contestants. Being a supernatural creature, he can more or less see when something is of supernatural origin, and that guy was definitely not normal. He was literally bending reality in his fingertips, but he was using the guise of a stage magician. Most people probably thought it was just a trick, Dorian knew better. He remembered the moment he realized what was going on, and the change in him. That was the moment he became a believer in the Truth. The moment the Aberdeen cell realized the reality quotient went up and they sent a bunch of blood sucking parasites, uh, I mean vampires to put a stop to it. Realizing his nature, the vampires recruited him to fight the Truth. Despite the uneasy relationship with the kindred, he was taught all about the Truth, about how it was a being that was forcing itself into this reality, and how the more people believed in the reality, the stronger it became. He was told he’d have to fight it, or be killed due to his risk of being tainted.

Since then, he's worked hard to help defeat the Truth alongside the other members of his cell.


1989 February 27 - Dorian is born.

1996 November 30 - Dorian's grandparents on his mother's side die in a fight with a group of vampires.

2005 March 22 - Dorian goes through his first change.

2007 June 13 - Dorian graduates from high school.

2007 July - He moves out and registers at the Community College of Vermont (CCV) in Brattleboro, Vermont to get a Direct Transfer Associates Degree (DTA), eventually wanting to get a higher level degree in communications. He also gets a job at a local supermarket.

2007 September 4 - Classes begin.

2008 May 11 - Dorian drops out of college after completing two quarters. He gets a full time job at the supermarket that he was working at.

2008 July - Dorian begins telling jokes regularly at his work.

2008 October 3 - Dorian works harder on his own material and begins performing at work during breaks.

2008 October 12 - Dorian gets invited to perform at a local bar by some of his coworkers. The act goes relatively well, pushing him to want to do bigger shows.

2011 January 3 - Dorian quits his job at the supermarket and decides to devote to his comedy career full time.

2013 April 19 - Dorian's grandparents on his father's side die in their home from a house fire. According to their will, he inherits a chunk of their company, Bear Paw Cigarettes.

2014 March 6 - Dorian performs at a talent show in Aberdeen, WA where he encounters the Truth and becomes a believer.

2014 September 20 - Dorian joins the cell in Olympia, WA (The Covert Emergency Response Team or C.E.R.T.).

2014 October 25 - Dorian heads up to Seattle with some of his cell to help with a raid on a warehouse.

2014 November 11 - He goes to the Virgin Islands to help with an investigation involving some old, dead veterans who may have been murdered. He is not well received by the other cells.

2014 December 25 - Dorian participates in the defense of the Olympia Cell against an onslaught of servants.

2015 May 26 - Dorian goes to the Accord Summit to discuss and create a national code of conduct for the Accord.

2015 July 22 - Dorian appears on Last Comic Standing.

2015 September 9 - Dorian is eliminated from Last Comic Standing after making it to the top five.

2015 November 1 - Dorian becomes the official cell leader of C.E.R.T.

2016 May 13 - Dorian's identity as a Changing Breed is revealed during a comedy show due to the veil drop.

Cell Members

(Please Feel Free To Add Yourself)

Carson Ward

Helia Shields

Henry Clayton

Jessica Marie Harker

Kitty Kramer


Victor Schwartz

David Shattuck

Other Known Associates

(Please Feel Free To Add Yourself)

Bianca 'Blue' Mudra

Irene Norton

Jacob Swain

Jaquelyn Clarke

Rio Rio

Deceased Or Missing Associates

Aerin - Deceased

Garrett Moore - Deceased

Lance Sully - Deceased

Molly Blackstone - Missing

The Brigand - Missing

Quotes About Dorian

(Please Feel Free To Add Your Own)

"If you keep making puns, I'm going to kill you." - Carson Ward

"I've been making puns for months, and now I've been validated. Puns make you strong. So I've been helping." - Kitty Kramer

"Well, THAT hasn't happened in a long time. That's a touch arrogant right there, but if you can pull it off right, and make me laugh, I'll keep my eye on you. :P I'll see how you "perform" at your next show. :)" - Kitty Kramer

"Dorian is attempting to be humorous, sometimes he fails. Best thing to do then is to just ignore him." Victor Schwartz

"Dorian has potential and drive, he will be an excellent leader one day." Jacob Swain

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had an axe... I'm not funny like he is..." Jessica Marie Harker

"I think he tries too hard to be funny, he needs to take the time to develop the joke, like I do." Winter Reilly

"Big Predator. Tall too. Sometimes I just get stuck in freeze mode in the corner because Big Predator. But at least I'm not a salmon shifter. That'd be beary bad, indeed. Cool guy, though." - Clover Hill

"I've seen him on and off over the past year that I've been in the Accord. Once I went down to Olympia to help mend relations between him and an insulted turtle spirit. I can only assume he'd tried one too many bear puns on the poor thing." - Ellis Kingsly

"He's me with more responsibility and a few worse choices behind him. But I swear to fucking god, if he gets my partner killed, all that sympathy's going out the window." - Shkira Kushnir

"I like Dorian as a leader. He protects his territory and he knows when to retreat. It makes me angry that humans treat him the way they do. It isn't right." - David Shattuck

"I'm not gonna lie, I was too star struck to introduce myself to him during Damned Throne. I watched him all the way through Last Comic Standing, and he's one of the funniest people I've ever seen. Him being eliminated was a travesty." Denial

"In war, armies need humor. Often people do not understand my humor, but understand his, so I think he is good for the Accord." Lilith


(Please Feel Free To Add Your Own)

He was inspired to be a comedian at a young age after watching an episode of "The Muppet Show" and screaming at Statler and Waldorf, "I'll prove you both wrong!"

He really does like honey.

Dorian is a registered pastor with Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption.

Dorian totally had sex with Kitty and some sort of mage after the two arrived in Dallas Cheerleader-style outfits and started throwing blackberry wine on each other.

Dorian Quotes.jpg

Quotes By Dorian

"I'll rip him apart with my bear [bare] hands!"

"This situation is unbearable."

"I'm the beary [very] best comedian ever."

"This place looks rather undefended, perhaps we should add some bearicades [barricades] and bearriers [barriers]."

"Time to beary [bury] the hatchet."

"I've got an axe to grind with you."

"I would have to say that blackbearries [blackberries] are my favorite fruit."

"We should all be driving Honda Accords."

"Fine, I won't call you...that again. Perhaps I should call you "Spine" instead for what I'm going to break if you ever fucking threaten me again." - to Skull Taker

Dorian's Anti-CUT Jokes


"Intro" - The xx

"Oasis" - Tarja Turunen

"Survive" - Rise Against

"Nothing Else Matters" - Metallica

"Down the Line" - José González

"The Bear: Hunger" - Shawn James & The Shapeshifters

Notable Kills

Masked Slasher (Where Dorian Got His Axe) - Snapped Neck

Mind Mage - Cut Nearly In Half From An Axe Blow To His Side

Patchwork Creation Made Of Multiple Animals - Decapitated

Magically Modified Dog - Cut Nearly In Half From An Axe Blow To The Back

Magically Modified Shark - Cut In Half At Its Midsection

Werewolf - Disemboweled By An Axe Hit To The Midsection

Wrath Demon - Decapitated

Cainite Heresy Hunter - Axe Hit To The Shoulder

Cainite Heresy Hunter - Snapped Neck

Cheiron Group Hunter - Decapitated

Cheiron Group Hunter - Skull Crushed By Axe

Cheiron Group Hunter - Severed Spine From An Axe Blow To The Back

Cheiron Group Hunter - Chest Caved In By Axe

Melissidae Ventrue Vampire - Melted By White Phosphorus

Melissidae Ventrue Vampire - Melted By White Phosphorus

Biker Hobgoblin - Decapitated

Dog Abomination - Chest Caved In By Axe

5 Zombies - Skulls Crushed By Axe

Malkavian Mekhet Vampire - Crushed Skull By Axe

Lion Abomination - Severed Spine By Axe

Proximi - Throat Sliced By Axe

5 Imp-Like Abominations - Skulls Crushed By Axe

Oni Abomination - Chopped In Half Diagonally By Axe

2 Loch Ness Monster Abominations And Their Eggs - Chopped Apart By Axe

Disease Vampire - Decapitated By Axe

Cherubi Abomination - Crushed By Axe

Seaweed Abomination - Shredded By Axe

Child Servant - Broken Neck


Player: Jakob Collins

MES Number: US2014110029


Location: Olympia - Cathargo Nova

VST: Rachel Holts

VST Email: