Name: Eddie Flat
Concept: Patron of the Crossroads turned Living Noise Pollution
Entitlement: None yet...
Motley: Fairer Than Thou
Mask: Around six foot tall and thin. Long dark blonde hair, with long lighter blonde facial hair. Most often wearing boots with plenty of buckles and a single spur, jeans with musical notes on them, a vest and bandanna.
Mein: Still around six foot tall though even thinner. His hair is made of broken guitar strings. His eyes are solid T.V. static. His fingernails are thick plastic guitar picks. Strange noises follow him where ever he goes.
Notable Traits: He's never quiet and he's often followed around by a ugly looking mutt with beer breath and noxious gas.
Titles: Spring King, Lead Guitarist for Fairer Than Thou
Words to dance to
The Ramblings of a Stoned God (Quotes By)
- "Nah darling, see that's where you got it all wrong. You want to foster desire in someone, fulfill your little bit to Spring? You don't give them what they want... that's just makes the want into appreciation. Nah what you have to do is be able to give them what they want but refuse. Say no and leave them wanting, when they want, when they ache so good from the want... that's when you're a fucking god, baby. Santa Clause, Jesus Christ and Heidi Fleiss all in one." - Eddie Flat teaching a new Spring to spring.
- "I'll never fade away."
- "I can't work in these conditions... I'll be in my dressing room."
- "You're from Nebraska? That's very interesting... here let me help you with that clasp..."
- "When you're up on stage, and you can feel every note, every heart beat in the crowd... I swear I know what Elvis felt like on that cross man... What? Don't correct me. This interview is over!"
- "Oh... woe is you... snatched by force and turned into something inhumanly attractive, forced to be admired where ever you go... why don't you call me when you looked the devil right in his shining platinum eyes and signed your name on the dotted line."
- "Them pipes are almost as sweet as my strings. I love that man like a man that I love." - Regarding his bandmate Aldous Nimblefingers
- "No I get the bit about being king year round, that makes sense. But the bit about there being four kings and or queens at the same time. Yeah man... maybe you better come back and explain it when I'm sober." - Regarding the Directional Courts of the San Fernando Valley
- "Phoenix? What man? I was in Phoenix? I don't know... maybe. All I know is there was this screeching noise that really put some feedback in my mellow. Maybe a party or something. It sounded kinda female. And I jammed with a cloud. It was good. Really funky in the mid range with a bit of grunt in all the right chords. But I don't think that was Phoenix. I mean... do they have moose there? Cause there was definitely a moose."
Even Bad Publicity is Still Publicity (Quotes About)
- "Oh my god... it's Eddie Flat... you're my favorite!" - Many faceless groupies.
- "It's like he raped my ear hole."
- "Play? The dude destroys! That jam was epic... women got pregnant from the force of our music." - Brook Ashley
- "You're big in Europe? Oh that's adorable...so is David Hasselhoff." - Belladonna
You Can't Trust Those Gossip Rags (Rumors)
- Requires a bacon wrapped spicy lobster sushi roll before every gig.
- Once had his heart broken by a fairest of the Winter Court.
- Automatic doors will not open for him.
- Can snap and cause bras to come unhooked.
- Has a one year intoxicated chip and is banned from any drug related support groups in Newport Beach.
- Has the fastest fingers in the free world.
- Is the object of worship for a cult.
- Met his spirit animal in the desert once, it was Jim Morrison.
- Bleeds from the ears when subjected to Justin Beiber.
- Hopes to one day have Guns and Roses open for him.
- Plans to go solo.
- Is in a competition to see who can bang the most women... with a vampire of the Duchange family... whatever the hell that is. Damn darklings and their fancy names.
- Once did a more than copious amount of peyote and walked from Los Angeles to Phoenix, just to jam with Trollgate.
- Is planning a Gods of Guitar tour with Brook Ashley after a budding friendship was formed in the desert.
- Was the mentor to Brook Ashley, taught him all about shredding.
Who a God Worships (Inspirations)
- Jim Morrison
- Keith Richards
- Carlos Santana
- Stevie Ray Vaughan
- Robert Johnson
- Jimmy Hendrix
- Eric Clapton
- Jimmy Page
- B.B. King
- Johnny Ramone
- Charlie Daniels
Player: Jeremy Wood
MES Number: US2007090668
Location: Orange County, CA